The Pros And Cons Of Lab-Ratism

As previously mentioned, where I currently rest my gluteus maximus is on a swivel chair in a Melbourne pseudo-hopsital. I say 'pseudo', because not only is it not actually a hospital, but if it were I certainly wouldn't be here by choice. But lo and behold, here I am, gulping down eight asthma pills a day almost entirely voluntarily. Of course, as I said almost entirely, there are a few factors that enticed me into these imperviable, Dettol-enriched walls. Do you like lists? You'd better.


Like A Moth To A Flame
Three-and-a-half meals a day. Free.
Free pool. (balls, not water)
Free table tennis.
Free PS3 & XBox (3 games per console).
Free Movies (albeit limited to around 50).
Free TV (6 channels).
Free internet (without which this blog would never have existed).
Approximately 22 hours of freedom per day, therefore:
Plenty of reading time.
Plenty of sleeping time.
No need to move if you so wish.
$4660 for fourteen days of doing essentially nothing.


Naturally the reason I am here is because the pros greatly outweigh the cons. In my opinion anyway. If you feel like disagreeing, then do so in your own humble silence.


Like A Mosquito To Insect Repellent
Two blood tests per day.
Countless blood tests and ECGs on the first and last day.
Only 2 periods of 30 minute walking for the fortnight.
Unknown side-effects.
No drinking.
No fresh air (bar the two opportunities aforementioned).
No caffeine.
No chocolate.
No citrus.
Only allowed to consume water, apart from apple juice at breakfast.
Breakfast at 5:50am.


So there you have it. A million reasons why being a LabRat is a good idea. Although our minority prefers the term "Human Guinea Pig"...